Monday, October 8, 2007

Sign O' the Times

Snow Pond, NH -

Last spring I met a girl who was a fond believer in the power of the horoscope. She, a Virgo, was intrigued by a potential combination with me, a Scorpio. She tried her best to teach me the ways of the Zodiac, providing sun, moon and planet evidence for all my quirks and behavioral tendencies. I was certainly intrigued, if not converted, and as the Presidential campaign rolled on through the summer I began to wonder what kind of signs each candidate had, and if they meshed with what I thought about each one of them.

A little bit of research kept the intrigue strong. First of all, three of the Democrats were fellow Scorpios. Second, I found each candidate to fall into their respective signs fairly well, with the possible exception of enigmatic Mike Gravel, although in all honesty I don't know enough about him to accurately characterize.

I mean, the intensity and power of Clinton, Biden and Richardson. The vigor of Edwards and Dodd. A dignified Obama. An idealistic Kucinich. Its all a little eerie.

Getting into the historical nitty gritty, if you are looking for a President then being a Scorpio can only help. It is the most common sign of all Presidents along with Aquarius. Each have five. If you are looking for the likeliest Presidential birthday, look no further than Election Day, 2004 - November 2, coincidentally belonging to the two most double entendre-able of all the POTUSes, James K. POLK and Warren G. HARDing.

Speaking of which, no discussion of astrology (what's your sign?) would be complete without some mention of sexuality. I have included a line about the romantic prowess of each sign at the bottom of their respective sections.

Furthermore, given that one's sign is dependent upon birth, I have also included some bonus information: Full given name and place of birth. The stars are a little different everywhere, so experts whose knowledge vastly outweighs mine might be able to glean a bit more from that. I should also cite the fact that I weaseled all the text from wikipedia, so if you take offense then go change it.

Will this mean the Presidency for Scorpio Hillary? Or will Leo Obama become the King of Washington's jungle? Is Gemini truly a fortunate sign for Edwards? Maybe this chart will give you a little insight toward your own prognostications.

The Scorpio
(Oct 23 - Nov 21)

Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton - October 26, 1947 Chicago, IL
William Blaine "Bill" Richardson III
- November 15, 1947 Pasadena, CA
Joseph Robinette Biden, Jr.
- November 20, 1942, Scranton, PA

Scorpio is the eighth sign of the Zodiac and associated with intensity, passion, and power. Scorpios are the most intense, profound, powerful characters in the zodiac. Even when they appear self-controlled and calm there is a seething intensity of emotional energy under the placid exterior. They are like the volcano not far under the surface of a calm sea; it may burst into eruption at any moment. But those of us who are particularly perceptive will be aware of the harnessed aggression, the immense forcefulness, magnetic intensity, and often strangely hypnotic personality under the tranquil, but watchful composure of Scorpio. In conventional social gatherings they are pleasant to be with, thoughtful in conversation, dignified, and reserved, yet affable and courteous; they sometimes possess penetrating eyes which make their shyer companions feel naked and defenseless before them. For this reason they are often referred to as "ice queens." They can be quite combative toward their opponents, giving no quarter in an argument or dispute. Yet most of their aggression is unleashed from a defensive posture.

Scorpios simply never give up. They have tremendous staying power. They're not in the slightest intimidated by anybody or anything. Confrontations are not a problem. In fact, talk to any Scorpio about their lives, and you'll probably be in awe at all they've gone through. Trauma seems to follow them wherever they go. When Scorpio learns optimism, instead of expecting the worst, they'll find that they possess amazing regenerative powers -- the power to heal, create, and transform.

Interesting fact: Scorpio is the symbol of sex and Scorpios are passionate lovers, the most sensually energetic of all the signs

The Gemini
(May 21 - June 20)

Johnny Reid "John" Edwards - June 10, 1953, Seneca, SC
Christopher John Dodd
- May 27, 1944, Willimantic, CT

Gemini is the third sign of the Zodiac and associated with youth and versatility. Individuals born under this sign are thought to have a sociable, fun-loving, lively, communicative, liberal, mentally active and friendly character. The Gemini person is logical, smart, inquisitive, honest,and clever. (on their good side)A Gemini is whimsical, nimble, quick-witted, articulate, lively, active, curious, capable of multi-tasking, talkative, sociable, and mercurial. (on their bad side) Gemini is prone to moodiness, inconsistency, maliciousness, manipulativeness, selfishness, childish games, superficiality, restlessness, gossip and tends to start conflicts, (rarely step up to fight).

Among medieval astrologers, Gemini was thought of as a fortunate sign, and its subjects were considered to possess the qualities of intense devotion, genius, largeness of mind, goodness, and liberality.

In bed, Geminis tend to be experimental, they don't really want to do the same thing twice. Geminis are also kinky, they like to do unusual tricks in the bed.

The Leo (July 23 - Aug 22)

Barack Hussein Obama - August 4, 1961, Honolulu, HI

Leo is the fifth sign of the Zodiac and is popularly associated with the keywords magnanimous, generous, hospitable, caring, warm, authoritative, active and open. The downside to a Leo is usually their pride. Yet Due to their positive nature, they can be gullible and tend to believe the best will happen.

Leos are typically pictured as very dignified and regal. They are hard-working, ambitious, determined, talented, love the lime light, exuberant, loyal, extroverted, generous, and enthusiastic. However they are prone to laziness, over dramatic, hypersensitive, insensitive, stubborn and can often take "the easy way out."

Leos, like the Lion they are named after, are thought to be born leaders, with charisma, enthusiasm and determination. They do well under pressure and are good at defusing crisis situations.

Leos usually like to make the first move. They are passionate (they really get into any intimate act). Leos are also very hedonistic, most of the time, they want sex more than their partner.

The Libra
(Sept 23 - Oct 22)

Dennis John Kucinich - October 8, 1946, Cleveland, OH
Individuals born under this sign are thought by practitioners of astrology to have a pleasant, clever, articulate, charismatic, outgoing, fair, artistic, social, refined, diplomatic, even-tempered and self-sufficient character. The positive side of a Libra person is said to be co-operative, sees both sides, open-minded, just, urbane, partnership oriented, avoids conflict, balanced, graceful, idealistic, self-sufficient, and egalitarian. They are prone to rationalize, be easily deterred, indecisive, lazy, are also thought to be flirtatious, extravagant, frivolous, impatient, envious, aloof, and quarrelsome.

Libras are giving because their lover's pleasure is as important as their own. Libras like their sex soft, and sensual (nothing rough).

The Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20)

Maurice Robert "Mike" Gravel - May 13, 1930, Springfield, MA

Taurus is the second sign of the Zodiac. Taurus is associated with material and emotional security. Individuals born under this sign are thought to have a calm, patient, reliable, fair, loyal, affectionate, sensuous, ambitious, and determined character. Generally, there is something distinctly sensual about the appearance. The Taurus person is resourceful, thorough, dependable, responsible, placid, stable, comfortable, solid, earthy, strong, money-oriented, practical, productive, cautious, musical, and artistic. They can also be stubborn, indulgent, insecure, acquisitive, possessive, rigid, stodgy and slow, and prone to hedonism, laziness, inflexibility, habituality, jealousy, and antipathy.

The Taurus in love is very affectionate, sensual, and instinctively aware of the power of their body sexually. However, they are also very possessive and stubborn.

Oh, and what is George W., you wonder? A Cancer.


Maria said...

Hysterical! I love it. I bet you're the only blogger to dig oh so deep.

Jeb said...

apparently aries (me, not the comedian) is not compatible with scorpio (read: opposite compatability). but then, anatomically speaking, i am supposed to rule the nerve centers, as well as things like the brain. so much for that. i'll have to see if i can track down this stuff i once read about crystals which targets your intellectual and sexual peak and the like for each month, according, i think, to your astrological sign. thing is, cycles would build weekly, yet my intellectual funk seems to have lasted a good seven years now.

Peace Czar said...

In the spirit of hype, and the fact that we share the same birthday (March 31), the zodiac for potential Nobel Peace Prize recipient (and presidential candidate), Albert Arnold Gore, Jr. born Washington, D.C. (Full description for you too, Jeb)

Aries (March 21 - April 20)

Those born under Aries are thought to be assertive, pioneering, enthusiastic, and adventurous. Aries (on their good side) are humorous, fast-paced, energetic and passionate, sociable, good communicator, brave, action-oriented, individualistic, independent, eager, straightforward, forceful, headstrong, a leader, focused on the present, and freedom-loving. (on their bad side)They can be intemperate, violent, impatient, fiery, rash, extreme, arrogant, impulsive, intolerant, insensitive, over-competitive, and bullying out of selfishness.

Enthusiastic and fiery, you feel intensity in your relationships. You jump full speed ahead, and tend to fall in lust before love. But once love comes, take the time to put the other person first once in awhile. Selfishness and aggressiveness is an Arian trait. But your fun loving, take charge drive keeps your relationships exciting and keeps the other person guessing what is next.