Friday, October 26, 2007

Rock Solid

Snow Pond, NH -

I was looking through some old Chris Rock material tonight to back up a point I was making when I came across this nugget from 1999's Bigger and Blacker, which is probably the greatest stand-up performance of my generation. Witness Rock wax truthful on Hillary, sex, homophobia and war. Hell, with wisdom like this, he should be President.

See, this whole Monica Lewinsky scandal, a lot of this
shit is Hillary's fault. That's right, I said it. I said
it. It had to be said. Somebody got to say it.

Everybody's like, "Hillary's a hero."

No, she ain't. Aquaman's a hero. He can talk to the fishes.
What the fuck can Hillary do? A lot of this shit is
Hillary's fault, 'cause, ladies, you know your man.
You know your man better than he knows himself. You know
what kind of man you got.

You know if you got the crazy, need-a-blowjob-all-the-time
man. So sometimes you gotta save your man from himself. So
you know what happens if he don't get his medicine.

So Hillary Clinton put us all in danger. She put the
security of the free world in jeopardy, and she needs to
suffer the consequences for her actions.

That's right, she's the First Lady. She's supposed to be
the first one on her knees to suck his dick!

Shit!

That's right. Monica Lewinsky shouldn't have even stood a
chance.

Hillary's supposed to already be down there like, "Hey, I
got it. I've got it. I got the dick! Tickle his ass, or
something. Yeah, grab a ball, make yourself useful."

And they always been on Clinton. Before any of this
happened, they was on Clinton.

What was they on him for?

Gays in the military. Everybody says, "Don't let them in!"

If they wanna fight, let them fight, 'cause I ain't
fighting. I wouldn't give a fuck if I saw a Russian tank
rolling down Flatbush Avenue. I ain't shooting nobody. So
call me a faggot. When the war is over, I'll be the faggot
with two legs, thank you.

2 comments:

saturday said...

I'll take Rock's earlier "Bring the Pain" routine. Particularly his bit on Colin Powell and the chances of a black vice-president.

Vince said...

i prefer syrup.