A GOP Primer: Don't Hate Huckabee

Minuteman Makes Split-Second Decision

Concord, NH -

Come on, Jim Gilchrist, grow a set! The founder of the Minuteman Project has endorsed Mike Huckabee over Tom Tancredo just a day after Huckabee released his immigration policy, which Gilchrist said "was a plan I myself could have written." Minus, of course, having people patrol the Canadian border with guns.

I know Tom Tancredo doesn't care because he isn't going to win, but seriously, if you are going to encourage vigilantism, at least vote your conscience!

Is Dumond a Woman Problem for Huckabee?

Concord, NH -

While most of the reporting on the Dumond parole issue may be, at worst, little more than sensationalism and sour grapes for Huckabee, at best it has the potential to reveal some awful character flaws. The story, first broken by the Huffington Post's Murray Waas, reveals in detail the process by which then-Governor Mike Huckabee oversaw the early parole release of a convicted rapist. According to the way Huckabee frames it, the decision was hardly his, and if anything he was looking forward to giving someone a chance at a better life. In some circumstances that kind of compassion should be lauded, and in most cases of rehabilitation probably works for the best. This time it didn't.

Yet, especially given the way Huckabee dodged the question of whether or not women should be involved in a church's leadership, this Dumond case begs the question: is Huckabee a misogynist? Did he weigh the Dumond's prison behavior more than the impassioned pleas of his victims - all females - because he trusts a man's potential over a woman's warning? Much as I love the Huckabee charm and have an gut feeling that he cares about people, I fear that the answer to those last two questions may be "yes".

If that is the case, and more dirt comes out to expose such a view, Huckabee could be headed down a country road to ruin.

Huckabee Wearing More Pieces of Flair than the Rest of the Field

Snow Pond, NH -

Let John Edwards have all the washed up rockers he wants, Huckabee has the washed up, trashy, fake fighting actors on his side. As if Chuck Norris wasn't tough enough, The Huck now was "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair pulling for him. Flair decided today to endorse the Arkansas governor, and will tailgate with him this weekend in South Carolina. As if a fist for a chin wasn't punishment enough for Huckabee naysayers, now they have the figure four leg lock to contend with if they give him too much lip.

Coincidentally, Flair was one of the most easily hated wrestlers around back in the late 80s and early 90s when I used to follow the "sport" for his over the top demeanor, general arrogance, and way-too-flamboyant robes. That said, I became a big fan once Flair turned into a bad guy, to the point that I labeled half of my sophomore year trigonometry math assignments with the moniker "The Nature Boy" instead of my actual name. Further coincidence, it would be still another three years from that time that I would become a true nature boy and lover of my own existence in the true natural form.

Does this mean that Huckabee will now support "nature boys" or enjoy increased fundraising from Arkansas nudist colonies? Does it mean that now all of the sudden men who wear flowing, sparkly robes will flock to Mr. Federal Gay Marriage Ban? I'm not saying adult wrestling fans are secretly partially gay or anything, because I think the answer to both those questions is "no". I'm just saying, I'm thrilled that my boy Ric Flair is endorsing at this stage, and furthermore that it is being covered on CNN.

In the immortal words of the Nature Boy, "Wooooooooo!!!"

This of course leaves us with two final questions.

1) Who will Hulk Hogan endorse?

and

2) Whatcha gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild on your candidate?

Huckabee and Norris, redux

Concord, NH -

I am at school right now so I can't watch the video nor properly post it, but the mere description of Huckabee's latest move has compelled me to post something, ANYTHING, to get this out there.

http://thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/11/19/thank-you-chuck-norris

Video and text are in that link. Let's face it, folks, somebody from the union needs to look into the accusation that Huckabee has hired scabs off of the Hollywood screenwriters picket line.

Myth: Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Fact: The myth of Chuck Norris is now officially out of control.

All the MSM buzz is that this was a mistake on Huckabee's part. Having just seen the light of the front of the pack, they surmise, a hokey ad like this will only keep voters from taking him seriously. That was my first instint as well, but after a few moments of martial artist-style concentration, I think this could be sort of like Jesse Ventura's ads from 1998 that portrayed him as a wrestling action figure fighting special interests. We all know how that turned out.

"But this is for President," the MSM says with a smug whine.

Ah, yes, but it is also only the Iowa primary. Think about that one.

***Update***

Slow Hump Day

Snow Pond, NH -

Greetings from an unseasonably warm November night. I spent much of today picnicking, running, worrying, and trying my hand at fiction writing. Unfortunately, that last bit really sucks away the reporting time. That said, here is some more Huckabee gold from CNN. Apparently Mrs. Janet Huck likes to fire grenade launchers. This solidifies the rap new slogan:

I"m Huckabee, Don't Fuck Wit' Me.

More Importantly, the Sonics got their first win o' the season tonight! Huzzah!

And them ol'Red Staters are back up with their Youtube questions.



Pow, right in the kisser!

Huckabee: Running Down a Dream

Durham, NH -

Long distance running is often referred to as the most solitary of athletic pursuits. In order to become a marathoner, for instance, one must habitually log runs of fifteen or more miles, and without the comfort and camaraderie of a team within easy reach, those long runs can be awfully lonely. Here in New Hampshire, they can be awfully cold, too.

But when you run with a Presidential candidate sitting at more than ten percent in the polls, the loneliness is cured before it even starts. About twenty-five runners and another dozen spectators braved the 30-degree temperature early last Saturday morning to come out to the University of New Hampshire for a 5k fun run with Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee.

Huckabee, arguably America’s most famous marathon runner who runs ten minute pace, was in good spirits on the sunny weekend morning. The run started and finished at the TKE fraternity house just off of Main Street in Durham, and Governor Huckabee showed his TKE pride, himself a brother at Ouachita Baptist back in the early 70s, by wearing a red hat with the same three Greek letters as the ten UNH TKEs who were out for the run. He was also decked out in running pants and a windbreaker from the New York City marathon he ran in 2006, and an Under Armour mock turtleneck for warmth.

The Governor joked with the participants as they waited around for the 8:00AM gun, asking questions about college and teasing his staff for wearing suits and pea coats when there was a race to be run. He also diligently and repeatedly asked who was leading the way, and if they knew the course for sure. I guess when you have a full day of events ahead of you, and a taping of Face the Nation, getting lost on a fun run with a bunch of college kids is not an option.

Sure enough, one of Huckabee’s local organizers knew the course. And time, the eternal enemy of the true 5k runner, brought about the call of the 8AM start. We all headed into the center of the road, where an elderly Huckabee supporter started us off with a clap of her hands.

Like and old pro, the Governor instantly started his watch with the gun, and the pack darted off into the empty early morning streets of Durham.

The runners were all pretty clearly feeling their nerves running with Mike Huckabee. Before the race, worries were flying left and right about hoping to finish the 3.1 mile course without having to walk, and now that we were all on the road, the timid students and curious voters kept their distance from Huckabee, leaving him to run mostly next to his staffers and the two college journalists covering the event with their handheld digital cameras.

They asked him how he felt about the campaign, and tried to prod him into comparing his campaign to a running race. Huckabee gladly obliged, telling how he preferred to run marathons to 5Ks because of the strategy and iron will it takes to complete the 26.2 mile course. He was particularly proud as he recounted anecdotes about passing cocky youngsters in New York who had failed to properly train, and by mile 6 were keeled over and sucking wind.

“Mile 6,” he said with disbelief, “they had twenty miles to go and already they were already done!”

I presume he wasn’t referring metaphorically to Tommy Thompson.

But speaking of rivals, he was invariably asked how his competitors would do in a 5k fun run with the Governor. Huckabee took this question and ran with it, so to speak.

“I challenge every candidate to a 5k race. I guarantee you none of them will show up.”

The tedious middle miles of the race were broken up nicely by surprise appearances from Huckabee’s staff. They were following the race in a car, and would drive ahead every half mile or so to jump out and cheer the runners on as they jogged toward the finish. Huckabee never missed a chance to tease them about joining in the race. Needless to say, none of the suits succumbed to the peer pressure.

About halfway through the run Huckabee started talking about his plans to run the Boston marathon. He has already registered for the race, and at this point all that he needs is for the training to follow the goal. We chatted a little bit about the Boston course, and he told us how much more difficult the Little Rock course was than the famed Marine Corps route. When he asked a supporter and me just how tough Boston’s “heartbreak hill” was, I suddenly wondered how on earth he thought he could simultaneously run for President and put in the mileage necessary to successfully complete a marathon.

After all I’m only covering the race, a far cry from running in it, and finding the time to put in more than a meager twenty-five miles a week is a constant challenge.

“Governor,” I asked with an incredulous smirk, “do you realistically think that you can train for Boston during the campaign?”

The look of sheer disbelief on my face must have struck a chord. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, “That’s the plan. We’ll see how it goes.”

I should have expected nothing less from the man from Hope who has moved from a nobody to a threat in this race, and who, until very recently, could neither catch a break from the media nor raise a buck from the voters.

Later, at the two and a half mile mark, Huckabee was asked how he thought his Presidential rivals would be doing at this point in the race.

“They would be about a mile and a half back.”

“Probably giving a stump speech,” one of the runners tried to joke.

“No,” Huckabee interjected with his classic acid wit, “they’d be bent over a stump and puking.”

That last line came at the beginning of an extended hill and, even though it was the course’s only hill, still brought out the gripes in force for the runners. Even Huckabee started dropping faux threats to his staffers for planning it into the run. Luckily, as soon as we got to the top, we took a quick left and a quick right and then we were back at the frat house and the finish line.

The campaign staff, the curious voters, and the out of shape supporters all cheered as we came across the finish line. Huckabee, of course, finished first. He immediately made fun of his staff once again for not running with him.

With the race completed and the sweat beginning to evaporate, Huckabee headed to the refreshment table for a bottle of water and a banana. Earlier he had spoken some runner mumbo-jumbo about glycogen and hydration, and here he was showing that he really believed in it.

He saw a family next to the table and started chatting with them. The true test of good people, he explained to the mother and her young daughter, “is how babies and dogs react to them. Dogs and babies like good people. That is how you test the candidates. I promise that if you bring the other candidates around the dogs will bite and the babies will cry.”

Speaking of dogs, after his brief post-run chat with the average folks, Huckabee was compelled to do a brief press availability with the members of the MSM who showed up during the run to catch some soundbytes from the sweaty Governor. He reiterated, this time to a new crowd, his preference for the willpower and diligence of the marathon to the talent and preciousness of a 5K, and even brought up his sympathy for America’s sick in contrast to his own former obesity and current ability to run marathons.

But then, as the MSM started to press and press for negativity through of subjects like Bernie Kerik, Huckabee began to sour. After the second or third gotcha question his tone became firm, and finally he took a big bite out of the rest of his banana, glared at the cameras and said, “are there any more questions or do you just want to watch me eat my banana? It’s good footage.”

Huckabee’s communication director then stepped in and corralled the governor over toward the lawn for a photo with his younger TKE brothers.

As evidenced by his chatty pedestrian shuffle throughout the earlier five kilometers, his ease in standing among babies and dogs, and his instinct to make fun of his inactive staff members, Mike Huckabee is more “one of us” than he is “one of them”. This was clearer still when he gleefully picked a fraternity photo op over the cameras of CNN.

Yet the question remains, as it did while we pounded the pavement and discussed Boston marathons vs. active Presidential campaigns, can a regular Lava Soap Joe like Mike Huckabee beat the odds and win the Presidency? By doing things in his own country way, Huckabee certainly believes the answer is yes.

Each Muscle in Chuck Norris' Body Is Worth Ten Delegates

Concord, NH -

Chuck Norris is endorsing Mike Huckabee, according to CNN. This could be big, if there were any young Republicans. Will Norris show up as a sidekick on the campaign trail? Or will Huckabee have to be a force of one out there if Norris is missing in action?

One thing is for sure, if Huckabee pulls this out, the Chuck Norris myths will go on forever.

The Grim Preacher

Snow Pond, NH -

Mike Huckabee may be appear to be the most jovial and happy-go-lucky of all the candidates, but today I realized that the fire and brimstone nature of preachin' hasn't entirely left him. Witness what are, arguably, the three most high-profile jokes of Huckabee's campaign jokes to date:

1) 3/2/07 - Washington, D.C.

“I was the first governor to have a conceal-carry permit, so don’t mess with me.”

2) 9/29/07 - Londonderry, NH

"Frankly if I had to raise the kind of money, and if I spent that kind of money, and I wasn't any higher in the polls, I'd go home and cry my eyes out tonight."

3) 10/10/07 - Little Rock, AR

"If I were some of these guys [referring to GOP rivals], I'd have to be sitting in a warm tub of water with razor blades."

So we're talking about a guy who threatens people with his gun, worries about severe depression and considers suicide as a potential tactic to deal with stress. My kind of guy!!

I should reiterate that these are three nuggets pulled out of more than half a year of serious campaigning, but nevertheless warrant mentioning. What also warrants mentioning is that they are all fantastic jokes! Keep 'em coming, Mikey!

Family Values Tour 2007

Those elusive "values voters" are at it again! Yesterday they released results from The First Ever Values Voter Presidential Debate Straw Poll held in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

While every single candidate was invited, left or right, only the ones with no chance at winning showed up. Thompson, Romney, Giuliani and McCain all stayed away, as did the entire Democratic slate.

Here are the results:

Mike Huckabee: 64%
Ron Paul: 12 %
Alan Keyes: 5%
Sam Brownback: 5%
Duncan Hunter: 4%
Fred D. Thompson: 4%
Tom Tancredo: 2%
Rudolph Giuliani: 1%
John McCain: 1%
John Cox: 1%
Mitt Romney: 0 %

What have we learned from this?

For starters, "values voters" hate Mormons. Although this is a pretty meaningless forum, Romney's folks can't be happy that the straw poll voters goose egged him. What does that mean in a state like Tennessee next fall?

Secondly, Sam Brownback needs to drop out of the race. When you lose your base to your rival by a factor of 13, and when you tie Alan Keyes, who most people didn't even know was in the race,you are done. The straw poll also reiterates Huckabee's pure and total dominance over the church crowd. This can't be totally underestimated.

Finally, these voters may value a lot of things, but wordsmithery is not one of them. Here is the headline from yesterday's press release:
"Delegates from America’s Largest Voting Block United"

Uhh, guys? I think it's called a bloc. I hope their press guy wasn't paid a whole lot.

Best New Rap, Hip-Hop, or Folk Act

In an early morning blog post over at Politico, Jonathan Martin investigates what could be a turn from folksy to Fuck You in the Huckabee campaign. Martin reports that Huckabee is getting a little bit pluckier with some of the other candidates, notably Mitt Romney.

Highlights include the following:

Voters, Huckabee continued, “want somebody who has lived a life more like they have lived it...For many of us, you know, the word summer is not a verb,” he said. “It was that very hot season that we barely made it without air conditioning in the hot South and worked in summer jobs."

Put that in your Cognac snifter and sip it! Or in Romney's case, root beer mug. But, gee whiz, I bet it is a high end root beer mug!



P.S. the title of the post is in reference to this, and not necessarily to any candidate.

Hardly a Huckster

Concord, NH -

As you can see in my previous live-blog post from the Huckabee appearance in Concord this morning, the majority of the discussion revolved around diet and nutrition. Better yet, that was pretty much all he spoke about. Quite unusual for a Presidential candidate to talk about making healthy lifestyle choices and cutting out fast food, but for Governor Huck it is merely part of a steady diet of common sense.

The whole issue of the event pertaining to a food show aside, Huckabee's commitment to the idea of a healthy lifestyle serve as a potent metaphor for his campaign and his ability to serve as President. No, really.

First off, the personal aspect of Huckabee's own weight loss and drastic change in diet and exercise habits are the baseline for a compelling personal story of salvation and self-improvement, not to mention one that millions of Americans can relate to. If Drew Westen has taught us anything, the ability of a candidate to tell a story is not just helpful to a modern would-be President, it is imperative.

Better yet, as health care continues to sit near the top of the issue list of Dems and GOPs alike, Huckabee can establish himself as the real deal of the right wing. Others pay lip service to a better health care system, Mike Huckabee lives it. Are you going to trust someone like Rudy Giuliani to take care of you by establishing a car insurance system or do you want the leadership of someone who has made health a top priority in his own life?

When voters hear stories about the shocking costs of preventative diseases in our country, and listen in horror to tales of out-of-control childhood obesity, will that shift their minds away from the fear-mongering of Mitt and Rudy? Especially when Huckabee touts his own hawkish foreign policy?

Speaking of which, I will call out any candidate who makes a major issue out of protecting the "sanctity of life" while claiming that, as President, he would "expand the army and increase the defense budget." I still don't get the ideology behind that one, whether you are Sam Brownback, George W Bush, or Tom Tancredo. If you are going to stand up for the life of the unborn, why leave Iraqi already-born outside in the hard, lifeless cold? And don't give me that bullshit about protecting American lives by killing the terrorist over there. A real "pro-lifer" is a pacifist.

On the bright side, Huckabee touts his pro-life credentials to include the notion that "every child deserves a quality education, first-rate health care, decent housing in a safe neighborhood, and clean air and drinking water." That goes with his commitment to sound health. The more people hear about the dangers of obesity and trans fats, especially when it comes to their children, the more they will realize that it truly is one of the major challenges of this generation. No matter how Iraq turns out, or where we get on mitigating climate change, we will be crippled by our health care costs soon enough if we don't get healthier as a nation, and fast. Besides, it is a well-documented fact that fat people sweat more than fit people. Imagine the brutal combination of an obesity epidemic and major climate change. You think bottled water is a problem now? Give it fifteen years of weight gain and carbon concentration.

Yikes! Back to the plan. Huckabee's background highlights the connection to down home America. In his interview, he touched on the scourge of Southern food where all items are breaded and deep fried, and the only difference between dinner and dessert is that one is covered in gravy and the other in powdered sugar. This led to Governor Huckabee's 2 Rules of Nutrition

1. "If it wasn't a food a hundred years ago, it isn't a food today. Stay away from fried foods, processed sugar, processed foods."
   
2. "If the food comes to you through the car window, it isn't food."

Darn tootin'! I really didn't need to show that to prove any points. On the contrary it almost seems incongruous to the flow, but it is such an awesome set of rules that I dared not leave it out of the article. Not only does he hype cutting back on damaging and readily available junk food, but he advocates more exercise for our country, and he backs it up with miles and miles of proof. Believe it or not, this helps him with his conservative bona fides. Yes, its true. While leading by example, Huckabee can show that federal programs are less important than a little good, old-fashioned bootstraps behavior. In his interview he simultaneously showed support for fitness programs in schools while quipping, "Its not dry cleaning, you don't drop them off in the morning and pick them up in the afternoon well fed and well exercised." Programs are good. Lifestyle choices are better. What could be more musical to a conservative's ears?

He reiterated that health care needs to change from intervention-based to prevention based. "There is enough money in our system to buy universal health care," he mentioned, but a socialized system is not the solution. He spent a couple minutes talking about how medical records should be portable and available, and that we need to get away from the post-WW2 model where health is tied to the employer, who retires at 65 and dies at 72. He didn't give any specifics about solutions, except to say that he intended to provide choices, but this early in the game it is always nice to hear that an employer-paid system needs to be scrapped. Given his polemic about the dangers of obesity peppered in all day, we were ready to hear anything.

At last, the host asks him about the Press 1 for English thing. He wants to know if he will support a national movement to make English the only official language of the USA. Huckabee never really answered it, and instead told all about assimilation camps in Israel. He acknowledged that national unity is held together by the Jewish religion, but hinted that the real secret lie in an adherence to the Hebrew language. Fluency is apparently required for citizenship, and newcomers stay in a camp environment for as long as it takes before you can move out into the country. In the best interest for those who want to succeed, Huckabee said, and went on to mention that English is the universal language of flight. Clearly he was getting at the idea that it was a good idea for everyone to speak English but stopped short of advocating for any Federal movement on the idea. Whether he was afraid to offend or staying true to his conservative ideals remains to be seen. Still, he seemed intelligent about the problem of fractured national identity, and willing to look into the idea.

After a final commercial break, he spouted some softies about New Hampshire, mentioning that the best part about the state was it's beautifully cool August weather. I couldn't agree more, unless he said the Pemigewasset River. But I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, he's probably never seen it. Huckabee showed his folksy humor throughout the conversation, answering that he hadn't been campaigning seven days a week, but rather eight. Better yet, he recognized that New Hampshire's motto wasn't just "Live free or Die," but for a visiting politician it was just as equally stated, "support the Red Sox or die." Take that, Hillary Clinton. By the way, did you notice that in Bill Richardson's recent Ask Bill videos he has a Sox hat in the background? Hott.

He also said that the Granite Staters were just plain nice, "kind of like Southern people with a different accent." Undoubtedly that comes from his own personal charm. Having been hard on the campaign trail for two months now, Huckabee easily wins the award for the most charming, personable, and that tricky subjective one - "real". When shaking hands after the interview he approached me and had the gall to introduce himself.

"Hi, I'm Mike Huckabee."

Not knowing what to say, I nervously and school girlishly replied "uh, I'm Bryan." He had me at hello. Subsequently I forgot to thank him for making fitness such a visible part of life to millions of people, and I just thanked him for being in New Hampshire. He followed that up with a prediction that he would be up here so much in the fall that he might need to get a resident hunting license. Watch out, ye moose!

Chat & Chew with Mike Huckabee

Given Huckabee's history and known focus on personal health and good eating habits, there are a disproportionate amount of obese people here. Maybe its because we're at a restaurant with an all-you-can-eat buffet. Then again, the fattest ones seem to be wearing pin-striped suits.

They are wondering whether or not this is the first ever interview with a Prez candidate on a good show. Huck says sure it is, and make someone prove it.

Huckabee Changed lifestyle, eating habits, and exercising. He cites the difficulty of growing up in the deep south where everything is deep fried, but if its an entree you put gravy on it, a dessert you put powdered sugar on it.

A diet has a beginning and an end. "What does it take for me to be healthy?" He did those things "and the weight took care of itself."

fair to say that you are on the road 7 days a week? "Yes that's fair, and sometimes eight."

2 rules of nutrition - "if it wasn't a food a hundred years ago, it isn't a food today. Stay away from fried foods, processed sugar, processed foods." Talks about reading boxes to see just how awful some of the stuff is we put in our body. If you can't read it, don't eat it.
"if it comes through the car window it isn't food."

"If it says partially hydrogenated vegetable oil, you're better off if you eat the box"

RE: PE and vending machines in schools: Its not dry cleaning, you don't drop them off in the morning and pick them up in the afternoon well fed and well exercised.

Now they're raving about Sonic. Mmm, I remember going to the Sonic in downtown Denver with Pat McKiernan in '04.

not having fitness programs will be more expensive than having it.
THe most expensive nap in America - the one on the school desk. We need arts and music to keep kids engaged.

Find photo of 3rd grade, then go into a 3rd grade class today and look at the difference in the weight of kids, public or private. "I won't even have to say another word."

Tells story of the ferry boat in Baltimore that sunk in 2005 due to fatter people than CG standards allowed.

His favorite thing about New Hampshire is the weather. Yes!! Also, the most hospitable people. "Kind of like Southern people with a different accent."

Now the host asks him about the Press 1 for English thing. Huckabee cites effectiveness of Assimilation camps in Israel. Held together by the Jewish religion. The secret - an adherence to the Hebrew language. Fluency is required, stay in a camp environment for as long as it takes before you can move out into the country. In the best interest for those who want to succeed. Goes on to mention that English is the universal language of flight.

Health care needs to change from intervention-based to prevention based. There is enough money in our system to buy universal health care. I believe the doctor should work for you, not insurance, not govt. Medical records should be portable and available, they belong to you.

We need to get away from the post-WW2 model where health is tied to the employer, retire at 65, die at 72.

Back from commercial. Huckabee says he is a Red Sox fan. Live free or Die, aka support Red Sox or die.

Astronauts were his heroes growing up. Neil Armstrong, but also Alan Shepard.

Radio Host tells him he is a real person, and thanks him for "keeping it real". Respect.

Tentative 3Q Schedule

Because I know you lovvvve to keep tabs on me.

Thursday, August 16 - Dennis Kucinich, Dover, NH 2pm
Friday, August 17 - Rudy Giuliani, Merrimack, NH 9am
Saturday, August 18 - Londonderry Old Home Days 10am
Sunday, August 19 - Mike Huckabee, Concord, NH 11am
Sunday, August 19 - Ron Paul, Hollis, NH ?
Tuesday, August 21-Saturday, August 25 - Men's Retreat, Pemi River, New Hampshire, a lot of beer a lot of girls and a lot of cursin'. Plus swimming in the healing waters of the Pemi river and maybe even a visit from John Edwards. I guarantee this, if he dares come to Lincoln, Campton or North Woodstock I will invite him out for a run on the trails behind Sam's Tire Barn, a swim at the town beach and a Pemi Pale Ale afterward. That's the One America I'm talkin' about. This doesn't just go for Edwards, who will be doing a biodiesel bus tour that week. Nay, I will submit the same challenge to any candidate who has the sound judgment and vivacity to come to the North Country and potentially dip in the Pemi.

Honestly, I might not make it up to Giuliani. 9am? What a d-bag.
Same goes for Ron Paul whose event, in concert with the Hillsborough Country Republicans annual picnic, requires an $18 dollar donation to the party. F that. We'll see about some guerrilla tactics. Now as Ali G would say, bring on the "loose hippie bitches" and the GOP. But either way, "dis is da earliest I's ever been up!" Get EXCITED. Get PUMPED. Tell ya' friends. Get your Read on!

Bold initiatives. Bold leadership. Bold blogging. Welcome to Flava Qountry.

Ahoy,
BTB

P.S. as schedules become updated, my schedule changes. Looks like I won't have to wake up at 7 to see Giuli on Saturday, but I don't want to change it so that I can keep my Ali G joke in here. Booyakasha!

Ames Straw Poll

Read all about it! Results are on pretty much any of my Quabbinlinks, and otherwise here.

1. Romney: 4516 (31.5)
2. Huckabee: 2587 (18.1)
3. Brownback: 2192 (15.3)
4. Tancredo: 1961 (13.7)
5. Paul: 1305 (9.1)
6. T. Thompson: 1039 (7.3)
7. F. Thompson: 203 (1.4)
8. Giuliani: 183 (1.3)
9. Hunter: 174 (1.2)
10. McCain: 101 (1)
11. Cox: 41 (.1)

14,302 ballots cast

Keeping in mind F. Thompson, Giuliani and McCain didn't participate (Quitters).

The results of the Ames Straw Poll tell me two main things:
1. Brownback doesn't hold a candle to Huckabee.
In spite of all the time and money he spent relative to Huckabee, Sam Brownback got con-served by the conservative base. Huckabee is so much funnier, smarter and more articulate. He doesn't have a chance.
2. Republicans hate immigrants.
Wow. Tom Tancredo nearly pulls off a second place showing entirely on the issue of immigration. Let me tell you folks, this issue is a barn-burner for a lot of people, and will have a sizable impact on the polls all next year by ginning up fervor in fence-mongers and other such unrealists.

Over-Rated!

Cotuit, MA -

Clap! Clap! Clap-clap-clap!

One of my favorite underdog cheers is now a political article! Check it out on the Political Wire!

• Most overrated - Fred Thompson and John Edwards

• Most underrated - Mike Huckabee and Bill Richardson

But then again, who cares what the insiders say? In the immortal words of Dee Dee Ramone,

"I'm an outsider/Outside of everything/Everything you know/Everything you know/It disturbs me so"












But then again again, I agree with them!

Here Comes the Rain Again

Portsmouth, NH -

The blue skies suddenly darkened into a thick, hard gray and the humidity of the warm summer day bubbled up in great steamy wafts from the streets and sidewalks as the sidewalk revelers rushed to clear their plates, pick up their newspapers and grab cover. Within minutes the sky opened up with watery vengeance for what must have been some terrible, terrible wrong done to it. Such was the case just before 4PM here in Portsmouth, causing me to wait out the storm from Breaking New Ground. If there is a coffeehouse in all of New Hampshire that I have to wait out a storm in, it may as well be this one. I initially resisted it's move across Congress Street into a bigger space a few years back, but I have grown to appreciate the new digs.


Anyway, it looks like I won't be able to hit the Seacoast double of Biden at 5 and Mike Huckabee's live performance with Capitol Offense at 6 in Dover. The photo in the link, by the way, shows pre-diet Huckabee. Fat Huckabee. Back with more in a few hours.

Back on the Trail

Welcome back to Quabbin Qountry. Before we begin, I would like to thank the Toshiba Corporation. They sent me an AC adapter, still under warranty, to replace my broken one in under 24 hours. Literally, I placed the call Wednesday at 3pm and had a box on my porch, even way the hell out at the qabin, when I arrived home from track practice on Thursday. My joy was immeasurable. I missed the internet, and I missed the blog. Without further ado, back to the show.

Paul Krugman made a good point in yesterday's Times that maybe Bush isn't so bad relative to the rest of his party-goers. The scene from last week's debate where almost all of the gang of ten would-be nominees were falling all over themselves to be the one to say that they would inflict the most torture on terrorist bad guys was chilling, indeed. It wasn't just what the candidates had to say that was disturbing, it was the audience's reaction. It was the kind of feeding frenzy where the more blood the speaker could invoke, the hungrier the audience grew as they loudly growled with lusty approval over lines like the following
Giuliani: "And I would -- well, I'd say every method they could think of"
Romney: "Some people have said, we ought to close Guantanamo. My view is, we ought to double Guantanamo."
Hunter: "One sentence: Get the information. Have it back within an hour, and let's act on it."
At least Duncan had the respect to close his statement by saying "and I will take full responsibility" for the backlash of any torturous activity. Does that mean he would do a retaliatory self-waterboarding? Probably not, but if we take him at his word he would at least admit to it and say that he believed in it, and let history judge him as such.

There was one bright spot to the whole torture exchange, when Brit Hume gave John McCain the last word, having been the only one to go against the hard party line. He responded with this: "Yes, and the interesting thing about that aspect is that during the debate, when we had the detainee treatment act, there was a sharp division between those who had served in the military and those who hadn't." Virtually every senior officer, retired or active- duty, starting with Colin Powell, General Vessey and everyone else, agreed with my position that we should not torture people. . .So yes, literally every retired military person and active duty military person who has actually been in battle and served for extended times in the military supported my position, and I'm glad of it." I am glad, too.

Here are a few thoughts on some of the candidates. The Fix gave it's grades, but here we go from the 3Q perspective.

Tommy Thompson: Let's start with the former Wisconsin governor by treating like a cube of sharp, yellow cheddar - Stick a fork in him. This man was frightening to watch, purely from a physical standpoint. He has no discernible neck. It didn't help that he sounded vague and desperate every time he opened his mouth.

Sam Brownback: The highlight of his day for me was watching him pretend to be compassionate when asked about a rape victim being forced to carry the child of the ruthless criminal who violated her. He gives a half grimace and a reassuring nod as he begins by saying, "hat would be a very difficult situation, and it is a very difficult situation," before proceeding to completely ignore the situation and saying "will that (abortion) make the woman in a better situation if that's what takes place? And I don't think so." Of course not. Of course this woman's life will be better if she gives birth to God's rape child. I'm sorry, Sam, but your so-called "pro-life, whole-life" motto is thoroughly de-bunked every time you say "I will do it. I'll move aggressively forward on it" in reference to "deliberately and methodically" attacking other countries. Aren't confused, poor Africans God's children just as much as the rapist's bastard child? What a crock.

Mike Huckabee: Huckabee scored the most points of any of the middle-tier candidates, if only because he appears articulate and can handle the conservative banner better than any of the front-runners. There have been numerous articles saying the same thing and wondering why he hasn't taken off, and why he has raised so little money. So it seems likely that he will be the candidate that could have been, but at least he got off the most memorable zinger of the night when he said, "We've had Congress that's spent money like Edwards at a beauty shop." Hey-o! Even better, he mentioned it in reference to incurring a "fair tax" that would potentially get a lot of the IRS BS out of the way. He also seemed very even-keeled when he stood up for his tax increases to build roads and protect schools. Let's hope for the Red-State-blooded Americans out there that he will pick up some momentum. Plus, he lost a hundred pounds and ran a marathon. Props to that.

Tom Tancredo, Jim Gilmore: Meh. Not really worth a recap.

Ron Paul: Paul certainly did himself a disservice to goal of achieving the Republican nomination down at USC, but at least he went down guns blazin'. Even though he is a Libertarian, he didn't flout the notion that tax cuts alone will save our economy. He continually referred to fiscal discipline being a two-way street of reducing spending before we reduce our income. Certainly not cutting taxes while starting a war. He called out 9/11 a few times, initially saying, "we were spending $40 billion on security prior to 9/11, and they had all the information they needed there to deal with the threat." Damn. He proceeded to get himself into some trouble when he took the path of honesty and humility, admitting that American foreign policy necessarily impacts the views of hostile forces in the Middle East, a bad idea in the face of 9/11 bulldog/opportunist Rudy Giuliani, who then called him out by saying "I don't think I've heard that before." Really, Rudy? You've never heard that explanation before? What a sham. Don't bring that false exasperation to Quabbin Qountry any time soon. It belongs in one place and one place only - the Vlad Squad bench. Keep it real. I digress.

At any rate, Mr. Paul stood up to Rudy, but the damage was done. The crusty old Southerners in the audience were eating up Giuli's rabid terrorist-bating, and Ronnie was done. But not for me, as his best line was yet to come. After the debate's torture debacle (Paul was not questioned) he went out of his way to say, "but you know, I think it's interesting talking about torture here in that it's become enhanced interrogation technique. It sounds like Newspeak." Word. Second only to my horror at the crowd's reaction was my incredulous wonder at why the candidates were pussyfooting around the word torture in their defenses of it, calling it enhanced techniques and never readily admit to the direct question about waterboarding. Paul knew, though, and he dropped it like it was hot.

After that I couldn't really go on, and I ended up flipping more and more frequently to AMC where they were showing The Karate Kid. In other words, I got tired of watching the real Cobra Kai, and opted instead for the fictionalized version, where at the end even Johnny shows some mercy. Much the same today, I lack the strength to summarize the Big 3 other than to say that they were seemingly the strongest candidates. McCain kicked Romney's ass in the tete-a-tete and was honorable on torture, but was far from a sure winner. Giuli creeped me out with the red meat routine, and Romney is articulate but too easily damaged with the flip-flop attack. But hey, only EIGHT MORE MONTHS 'til New Hampshire!!! Time is a-wastin'!

. . .

The Sunshine Boy, unfazed by Huckabee's zinger, wrote a pre-emptive op-ed in the Huffington Post today, calling on Americans to take seriously their task on Memorial Day to remember the great sacrifices of American soldiers not by slapping a "Support Our Troops" magnet on their car, but by making a real effort to get the troops sent home from the current debacle in Iraq. I applaud him for the gesture. It is my belief that too often these days, in a world of instant leisure and long work days for so many, we have forgotten the purpose of national holidays. We see them as a free day to go to the beach or to be able to drink three nights in a row instead of actually pondering the meaning of the event. I think it is important for politicians to sincerely advocate their true celebration, and better yet to lead by example. Full disclosure: I will probably use it as an opportunity to drink three days in a row, but will accept any and all thoughts of good will to do the right thing. We're in this together, after all.


Sipping a Smuttynose from the banks of the Sawmill River,
BTB

New Hampshire, New Polls, Same Attitude

In a poll conducted Friday by the American Research Group, former Senator Fred Thompson (R-TN) jumped into the fray with 10% of the likely New Hampshire Republican primary vote, pulling support away from most every candidate in the field and making it a potential 5-man contest with McCain (23%), Giuliani (19%), Romney (17%) and Gingrich (11%). Thompson, of course, is the Freddy-come-lately of the GOP nominees, having said a couple weeks ago that he was considering a run. The motive for this being that there were no credible conservatives in the upper echelon of the Republican ranks, with Brownback and Huckabee gaining little more than 2% outside of their home states. Thompson, then, would be the standard-bearer of the right. Today's Caucus touched briefly on the issue, which we will discuss more later, but not until we watch The Hunt for Red October.

In other news, it looks like Hillary Rodham is erasing some of Vilsack's campaign debt in a possible QPQ. No surprise from QQQ. And I really hate to beat a dead source, but I gotta give props to Lamar Smith (R-TX) for at least sticking it the Clintons, regardless of Bubba's legitimacy. Smith asked Bill to speak to a congressional subcommittee on Presidential pardons about the Rich pardon, among others. Clinton declined, of course.

On a more earnest note, Rudy reminds us that we must stay vigilant against terrorists. Hey Rudy, better watch those "S"s, especially in the Red States! But who am I to talk? Rudy can point to his new perch atop the fix's Prez line and drop a fatty cry of "scoreboard!" while I sit at home and drink bourbon while the rain falls heavy outside my cabin windows.

Some more fun from the Hill, our boy Jim Webb suffered a minor foible when one of his aides was arrested for carrying a loaded pistol into the capitol building. It seems the guy was a former Marine, and just not ready to roll through the city without a piece. Point being, don't fuck with Webb.


Sorry for the delays. But things could be on the up-and-up, it's $3 drafts at M&D all week, and the forecast is for rain. Rain, and wind.

Bluebird,
BTB